So with all the hype surrounding Blogher I'm starting to feel a little left out on all the excitement of meeting all the wonderful ladies in my blogging circle that I've come to really like. And unfortunately, this is all starting to feel like a little bit of Deja Vu for me.
One thing that I really hate... and always have... is being left out. I hate not being part of whatever is happening. Maybe its a Little Sister complex... or maybe its just a strong inner desire to be liked and accepted, but what ever it is, I HATE not being included in stuff.
But you know what I hate even more... being INVITED to be included in something and not being able to go. And then for the next month after the "event" (what ever it may be), that is all anybody can talk about. "Remember when..." "OMG... that was so funny when..." And all of the sudden all the inside jokes and stories for the next year are all about that one event that I missed out on.
For example. My freshman year of college I was glued to the hip of my best friend Marci. We were the only two in our circle of friends who were stuck going to Bakersfield Junior College, while everybody else was off living the dream and going to a state school or university in a big town like San Francisco... or Santa Cruz. So there we were... two lone freshman in a sea of people we didn't know. We had every class together (security blanket much?) and we were determined to make new friends. And then one day we were befriended by a group of people that we quickly realized we liked a lot. And our lonely twosome was now a group of like 10 people. We were "in" again and we loved it. We spent every break between classes together... which eventually led to their big question... "Do you guys want to go camping with us?" Immediately I knew I couldn't go. I had been working since I was 16 and when you work for Circuit City... you don't get weekends off... EVER. So I knew I had to say no... but Marci didn't have a job yet and she was able to go.
That whole weekend of their camping trip I was stuck selling crap at Circuit City and drifting off into day dreams of what they were probably doing at that exact moment. And of course the second they arrived home I heard every detail. Which was fine... but then for the next year, our circle was full of "remember when's" and inside jokes from that trip. That trip seriously made me feel distant and completely out of the loop from our friends. I hated it and finally I broke down (yes in front of everybody) and freaked out and said "STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT DANG CAMPING TRIP!! Its been a freaking year!" But they just didn't get it.
Flash forward to 2007. Just 5 months after Kyle and I got married and Kyle's good friend Jacob was getting married to Nicole. NOW... we all know that Jacob and Nicole are one of our best couple friends and live just 5 houses away from us and we see them like... um... every other day. BUT back in 2007 Jacob was "Kyle's friend" and Nicole was just his future wife that I'd never really met. No friendship (yet). So when their wedding day approached and they were getting married in Texas, I decided that I wasn't going to go because we only had 1 frequent flyer ticket left and I didn't want to spent the money on a ticket AND take off a couple days from work... AND spend money on a rental car and hotel. Um yeah... if only I knew then what I know now, I would have spent the money in a heart beat and never thought twice about it.
But you know what I hate even more... being INVITED to be included in something and not being able to go. And then for the next month after the "event" (what ever it may be), that is all anybody can talk about. "Remember when..." "OMG... that was so funny when..." And all of the sudden all the inside jokes and stories for the next year are all about that one event that I missed out on.
For example. My freshman year of college I was glued to the hip of my best friend Marci. We were the only two in our circle of friends who were stuck going to Bakersfield Junior College, while everybody else was off living the dream and going to a state school or university in a big town like San Francisco... or Santa Cruz. So there we were... two lone freshman in a sea of people we didn't know. We had every class together (security blanket much?) and we were determined to make new friends. And then one day we were befriended by a group of people that we quickly realized we liked a lot. And our lonely twosome was now a group of like 10 people. We were "in" again and we loved it. We spent every break between classes together... which eventually led to their big question... "Do you guys want to go camping with us?" Immediately I knew I couldn't go. I had been working since I was 16 and when you work for Circuit City... you don't get weekends off... EVER. So I knew I had to say no... but Marci didn't have a job yet and she was able to go.
That whole weekend of their camping trip I was stuck selling crap at Circuit City and drifting off into day dreams of what they were probably doing at that exact moment. And of course the second they arrived home I heard every detail. Which was fine... but then for the next year, our circle was full of "remember when's" and inside jokes from that trip. That trip seriously made me feel distant and completely out of the loop from our friends. I hated it and finally I broke down (yes in front of everybody) and freaked out and said "STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT DANG CAMPING TRIP!! Its been a freaking year!" But they just didn't get it.
Flash forward to 2007. Just 5 months after Kyle and I got married and Kyle's good friend Jacob was getting married to Nicole. NOW... we all know that Jacob and Nicole are one of our best couple friends and live just 5 houses away from us and we see them like... um... every other day. BUT back in 2007 Jacob was "Kyle's friend" and Nicole was just his future wife that I'd never really met. No friendship (yet). So when their wedding day approached and they were getting married in Texas, I decided that I wasn't going to go because we only had 1 frequent flyer ticket left and I didn't want to spent the money on a ticket AND take off a couple days from work... AND spend money on a rental car and hotel. Um yeah... if only I knew then what I know now, I would have spent the money in a heart beat and never thought twice about it.
So when Kyle returned I told him, "I know that I'm going to hear stories from their wedding for the next year or so... but PLEASE don't talk about it every second because I just don't think I can handle that "left out" feeling for too long." And bless Nicole's little heart... because immediately after getting their wedding video back, we all sat down and watched it together so I could feel like I was there. And I have to say, it helped.
And now this brings me to Blogher. An awesome trip that I had the opportunity to go to and be included in a sleep over with Emily and Ashley at Chateau de Forrette... but unfortunately I am not able to make it due to my Grandmother's 80th birthday this weekend. And family comes first. But now I'm worried that life after Blogher is going to be a series of inside jokes and forever stories that I will never understand. Boo.
This is not to make you all feel guilting for enjoying yourself and posting endless pictures and stories from the trip. Because I really do want to hear all about it. Its just my own issue I have to deal with.
But I can tell you this... I will NOT miss out next year. So here is to Blogher 2009, Ladies! WHO'S WITH ME? Anybody?
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10 comments:
Gosh, I hate that left out feeling.
But, on the bright side, your G-ma's 80th! Wow, what a blessing :)
I am so with you on Blogher 2009.. and it's even more pathetic for me because I LIVE RIGHT THERE! but life does go on. You will be so glad you went to your Grandmother's 80th birthday and we get to have our father in law and his wife up at our house for the first time! yay!
I started blogging last year and definitely spent a lot of time in the shallow end of the pool figuring it all out. But the last couple of months I feel like I have gotten the courage to jump into the deep end and then I started hearing about blogher and I am definitely feeling like I am going to be missing out. So I am totally in for Blogher 2009!!!!
oh my goodness you are going to make me cry!
We'll miss you like crazy!!! And, you know ... better things will come along and the three of us will all be there! Ashley needs to get on that Tacoroonie 09 trip we talked about ;)
Okay, I totally wrote a comment... I don't know where it went... :(
Okay, I totally know how you feel, as I feel this way ALL THE TIME. Especially in the past year being a work out of the house mama surrounded by stay at home mamas. I spend the day pining to be at the fabulous get togethers I know they are all having, sipping fancy drinks and eating delicious snacks and telling fantastic stories and jokes that I will never be a part of. Boo. :(
I feel like sometimes I KILL myself and run myself ragged trying to do everything and be involved with everyone. But when I'm not there or I can't be there or I'm not INVITED there (ouch!) it is so miserable!!! :(
But seriously. Gma's 80th bday party is going to ROCK. Because I'll be there... so it is a pretty cool place to be. :)
Oh my goodness, you are so sweet. I have felt that way many a time. Usually I was left out because I was so shy but wished I weren't. But you are so fortunate to have a grandma that is turning 80!! What a wonderful ocassion to miss blogher for!
=(
just think about all the rest of us who are going to be left out too. in a way, you're a part of a much LARGER group of people who aren't going...so really, Ashley & Emily are the ones being "left out".
what do you think about that?
I'm with you for Blogher 2009. I really wanted to go this year, but something else came up. I'm kind of dreading all the reports that are going to be on my Google Reader next week. Maybe I should just Mark All as Read and then be proud of myself for not sitting in front of my computer all day.
Great post Colleen! And I totally relate! I hate, hate, hate feeling left out while everyone else talks about their "remember whens" -- ACK! It's the worst thing EVER. No joke. I'm not a little sister so I can't use that as an excuse why I hate being left out ... I guess I just like being part of the fun - who doesn't?! Well, regardless, I really wish I was going to Blogher but I just didn't have the $$. Boo. I'm totally jealous of Emily and Ashley and all the other girlies. Not fair! Yep, that's right, I'm a big o baby. I am totally with you- Blogher 2009! And maybe I will crash your tacoroonie party once again! Hee. You are going to be so glad you're going to your Grandma's bday-- that is so, so neat! Have fun!
I also can totally relate to the way you are feeling. I went to a family reunion (which was amazing), but I couldn't help but feel like I was missing out. I can't wait for Blogher 2009.
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